Let’s be clear, there is no set time or moment that is the right time to get married. Every relationship is different, and every circumstance is not alike. Marriage is a decision that is based on you, your partner, and your relationship. The concept of how long you’ve been together doesn’t really matter, but the quality of time and how it’s spent with one another tends to be much more important for a successful marriage.
Quality of Time Over Quantity of Time
According to the research, couples are typically not recommended to be married during the first 1-2 years. Usually, that’s the average amount of time it takes for the infatuation stage to fade. The infatuation stage is when a couple or person in a relationship is blinded to the true reality of their relationship. During the first two years, couples tend to be truly enamored by one another. This can lead to a positive override of their feelings and emotions and they can potentially miss a number of red flags.
Even when someone notices certain things about a partner that they don’t like during the infatuation stage, they can easily and quickly overlook these things and minimize their importance. However, after the infatuation stage fades, that’s when these former little things can become major problems in the relationship. Instead of focusing on the amount of time spent in the relationship, pay more attention to your relationship after removing the blinders.
Considerations Before You Decide the Right Time to Get Married
Before deciding to tie the knot, consider these three things:
Have the following conversations with your partner
- Do I really know you?
- Do you want kids? How many?
- What is your parenting style?
- Where should we live?
- What are your feelings about family?
- How will we continue to make time for friends and family?
- How do you view money?
- Household chores: what are your beliefs?
- What is your love language? What makes you feel loved?
- How do you behave when you’re angry? Can I tolerate that?
- After a hard day off work, how do you behave?
- What are your triggers, and how do you cope with them?
How do we argue?
The way a couple fights can predict divorce or a happy home. As a couple, do you get through your arguments with a positive ending or do you engage in the four horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, contempt & stonewalling)? No relationship is without arguments, but happy couples often handle their conflicts vastly different from unhappy couples.
Does Age Matter?
There is no perfect age to get married. A younger couple might need more time to self-develop in regard to their values, life experiences, and understanding of self before they are ready to get married. More time may also be needed to develop the state of their relationship. On the other hand, an older couple may face different challenges. For example, if a couple has kids from previous relationships, how do they merge this blended family and be respectful of the previous family?
So, at the end of the day, all that matters is that you know yourself very well, and you know what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage does not change people. They will be whom they’ve always been.
The Final Truth
There is no agreed upon formula that dictates when a couple is ready for marriage or any specific number nor what time frame within the relationship you should get married. Just remember to be clear and aware about your needs in a relationship, your partner’s ability to meet and fulfill your needs, and how your value system matches with one another. Always remember, you are in control of your life. Be Wise!