Ever taken an Attachment Style Quiz? It can be very helpful in understanding your relationships. Bonding serves as an important survival tool of the species. Attachment styles include secure, anxious preoccupied, fearful avoidant, and dismissive avoidant.
According to Attachment Theory, humans develop attachment styles during early childhood. They evolve out of experiences with your parents and caregivers, and will affect relationships throughout your life.
Attachment style tests have become popular in recent years. Knowing and understanding your own attachment style offers insight into why your relationships do or do not work. It can also help you to make the changes necessary for you to bond in healthier ways.
Take this attachment style quiz based on the four main types of bonding!
Take the Attachment Style Quiz
Are you satisfied with your relationships?
Do your relationships take on a normal progression?
Do you enjoy spending time with others?
Feel safe when away from your loved ones?
Does it seem like you miss loved ones an appropriate amount when separated?
Upon seeing them again, do you feel happy to see them?
Do you trust others?
Are you trustworthy?
Do you think highly of yourself?
Are you likely to think more highly of others, than yourself?
Your answers to these simple questions can tell you a ton about the way you attach to others and engage with romantic partners. It can also point to past trauma that need healing with individual therapy.
Read on to learn how you attach based on your answers!
Secure Attachment
The attachment style to strive for is secure attachment. If you answered yes to the above questions, then congratulations on securing healthy bonds with others.
In childhood, you learned to trust your caregiver. Either you did not experience serious trauma, or you put in the work and healed well.
As an adult, you enjoy time with your partner, but also value your time apart. You will miss your partner appropriately, but do not feel consistently anxious about their return.
You both trust and act trustworthy with others. This shows as you allow healthy space for personal development in your relationships.
Building trust on this level allows you to make deep and meaningful connections with others. Your relationships feel free and rewarding for both parties.
As a parent, your secure attachment promotes healthy attachment for your child(ren). You provide emotional availability and space that helps them develop into socially healthy individuals as well.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style
Did your answers on this attachment style quiz show that you place a high value on your relationship with others, but do not trust them? If so, and you think highly of others, but struggle with your own self-worth, then you show an anxious-preoccupied attachment style.
As a child, your caregiver did not show consistency. Possibly your parent fell ill or worked far away, so they were in and out of your life. Or, maybe this happened later in life as you lost people close to you due to different circumstances and felt abandoned.
Now, relationships feel like everything to you. In fact, you base most of your accomplishments and self-worth on the relationships in your life.
As an adult, you may struggle with relationships. You may struggle to develop a healthy sense of individuality or feel anxious when away from your partner.
You love hard, but also make love seem hard inadvertently. Feeling needy, insecure, or jealous, due to fear of losing the person, may be common for you.
On the flip side, you tend to meet most, if not all, of your partner’s needs. This often happens at the expense of your own well-being.
You long for love and a deep connection with others. But, as soon as this deep connection starts forming, you fear the end of it, and sometimes even sabotage it to avoid the pain of rejection.
Parents with this anxious attachment style love their children. In fact, mothers can turn into “smothers” and this can cause the kids to fear being away from them due to the parent’s uncertainty.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style
If you felt mixed feelings when answering the questions, then you might have developed a fearful-avoidant attachment. For instance, maybe you enjoy spending time with others when you actually do, but fear getting close to people, and your relationships bounce around rather than progress normally.
During childhood, you most likely experienced serious trauma and neglect. Abused children often take on this attachment style, as it grows out of a fear-based upbringing.
With this attachment style, you may not know whether or not you want others in your life. Or, you might both want them there but also not want to deal with maintaining a relationship because getting close to people terrifies you.
This might translate into you acting promiscuous so that you get a human connection without putting feelings into it. It can also turn into serial dating.
Parenting with this attachment style can cause serious trauma to your child since you cannot fully love them or allow your feelings to show. You should seek therapy and learn healthier bonding tools before considering parenthood, though avoidant attachment often leads to an avoidance of seeking help as well.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style
Did you answer no to most or all of the questions on this attachment style quiz that pertained to others? If so, then you might display a dismissive-avoidant attachment.
Your caregiver might not have paid much attention to you as a child. Or, your parent smothered you to the point that their intrusiveness pushed you away.
In your adult life, you carry a strong sense of self-worth. But, you do not see building a relationship with others as valuable. In fact, it seems bothersome.
As a perfectly capable person, you may not see this as a problem. However, forming relationships with others keeps up mentally and emotionally healthy. These relationships actually increase our survival rate and help us live longer.
You cannot properly parent with this attachment style. Though, you may not run into that obstacle since you avoid relationships altogether.
Last, a disorganized attachment style is one where it is difficult to predict a person’s attachment needs and reactions in a relationship. There is little to no consistency in how their needs show up, what allows them to feel safe, or what feels like a relational threat.
Now What?
What do you do with the information you learned on this attachment style quiz? It depends.
If you form secure attachments with others, keep rocking! But, if you carry another attachment type, you are not doomed! Online therapy can help you heal past traumas and reframe the way you bond with other people.
Take the information from this attachment style quiz and use it to better yourself, your mental health and romantic relationships. Maybe this gave you insight on why your relationships keep failing or helped you recognize deep-rooted trust issues.
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