Couples Therapy

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a safe space, constructed to focus on the bond you have with your and help you identify and resolve conflict, improve communication, improve your relationship or end the relationship with grace. Your couples therapist is a neutral person, there to help each person in the relationship feel seen, valued, and supported and you navigate your collective or competing goals.

Couples therapy can help couples address difficult topics and problems, such as sexual issues or differences, anger management issues, substance abuse and other addictions, surviving infidelity, managing different lifestyles or blended families, and opposing views on childcare, etc.

Who Can Benefit From Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is designed for people who are married or not or planning to marry or partner for life or have been dating for some time, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or religious affiliations. Couples therapy is designed for traditional and non-traditional relationships, including people in two-person monogamous relationships, and people in open relationships or polyamorous relationships.

Anyone who is looking to refresh their communication skills, improve the quality of their relationship, deepen their sexual connection, repair broken trust, or separate with respect could benefit from seeking out a couples’ therapist. Most couples wait too long to get support and find themselves in extra pain from holding on to resentment and fear for too long. Human beings are born in relationships and thrive in healthy relationships. Investing in your relationship with couples therapy or marriage counseling is an investment into your collective health, happiness, and into sustainable changes that impact your relationship and generations that follow.

What Specialty Topics Are Addressed?

In couples therapy, there are many different wonderful couples therapy techniques a therapist can employ. What is effective for each coupleship depends on the needs of each person in the relationship. The approach practiced most readily by Modern Intimacy staff is the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) model, developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin. The PACT model of couples therapy focuses on helping each person in the relationship in learning how to more effectively regulate their own feelings, learn to co-regulate (or help each other stay in optimal functioning), and factor in their own attachment styles and relationship default approaches to develop and sustain secure functioning in their relationship. In other words, the PACT model helps couples become experts on each other, in ways that help them stay on the same team, even during moments of conflict, and work together to achieve parity, closeness, and a strong, intimate bond.

Infidelity & Betrayal

Improving Communication

Pre-Marital Therapy

Infertility & Parenting

Improving Sexual Intimacy

Sexual Dysfunction

Building Effective Boundaries

Divorce & Co-Parenting

Navigating Extended Families

Sex, Love & Porn Addiction

What Specialty Topics Are Addressed?

In couples therapy, there are many different wonderful couples therapy techniques a therapist can employ. What is effective for each coupleship depends on the needs of each person in the relationship. The approach practiced most readily by Modern Intimacy staff is the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) model, developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin. The PACT model of couples therapy focuses on helping each person in the relationship in learning how to more effectively regulate their own feelings, learn to co-regulate (or help each other stay in optimal functioning), and factor in their own attachment styles and relationship default approaches to develop and sustain secure functioning in their relationship. In other words, the PACT model helps couples become experts on each other, in ways that help them stay on the same team, even during moments of conflict, and work together to achieve parity, closeness, and a strong, intimate bond.

Infidelity & Betrayal

Improving Communication

Pre-Marital Therapy

Infertility & Parenting

Improving Sexual Intimacy

Sexual Dysfunction

Building Effective Boundaries

Divorce & Co-Parenting

Navigating Extended Families

Sex, Love & Porn Addiction

Benefits Of Couples Therapy

Resolve conflict quickly and effectively

Conflict in relationships is normal and to be expected. A relationship without conflict in one that is likely inauthentic, riddled with fear, or lack of connection. Couples who feel empowered to resolve conflict safely and constructively together are likely to feel more deeply connected, trusting of their partner and life circumstances, and able to express themselves in every aspect of life with more confidence. An improvement in conflict resolution is one couples therapy benefit.

Communicate more effectively

Miscommunication is inevitable. No matter how hard someone tries, they are bound to miss the mark once in a while. Couples that work on building healthy communication styles during couples therapy can more quickly clean up messy interactions and tend to each other’s hurt feelings. When couples learn how to communicate better, they tend to be less defensive and more engaged with each other.

Improve your sex life

Differences in libido, fantasies, or preferences can lead couples into sexual stalemates. When one or both partners has a history of trauma, betrayals or dysfunction, sexual intimacy can bring with it a plethora of meanings and uncomfortable moments. Working with a couples therapist, especially one trained as a sex therapist, can aid couples in creating an exciting and rewarding sex life again – one of the many couples therapy benefits.

Repair broken trust

Healthy relationships require a foundation of trust, and when trust is broken, one or both partners may pull away from the intimacy they once shared, without a clear map on how to rebuild. Couples therapy can help heal together, strengthen their capacity for empathy, and forge a new commitment to one another, one based on mutuality without anger, resentment, and fear.

Set effective limits and boundaries with each other

Relationships do not come with a rule book. One partner’s values may differ from the others, and relationship patterns developed in childhood often carry over into relationships with romantic partners. Busy schedules can eradicate even the best self-care plan, and when all of this is factored together, couples can lose sight of healthy boundaries and limits. Working with a couples therapist can help couples identify and sustain boundaries that liberate each partner from the shackles of codependence, passive aggression, or entitlement.

Deepen your understanding of yourself and your partner

People change throughout their lives, including you and your partner. Seeing a couples therapist can help you explore how each partner has evolved, fostering appreciation, re-commitment, a deeper connection and mutual growth.

FREE 30 MIN INITIAL CONSULTATION…

Frequently Asked Questions

How did we get to this place?

It is not uncommon for couples to hit a rough patch in their relationship. Early ways you learned to cope and navigate relational stress can lead to polarized, guarded, and defensive impasses in primary adult relationships. Learning how to regulate your own emotions, and help your partner regulate theirs (when invited), can help you move toward a happy, meaningful, and mutually rewarding intimate connection.

What if the therapist takes my partner’s side?

Couples therapists are trained to remain neutral, because their client is the relationship, not either partner. However, at times it may seem like one person is getting more attention or may be in the hot seat, but this temporary alignment is sometimes needed to help break through particular defenses or stuck points. If you experience this to be happening more often than feels right, bring it up to the therapist and exercise your voice transparently, so the therapist can settle imbalances and help you understand their rationale.

Will couples’ therapy save my relationship?

While there is no guarantee that couples’ therapy will save your relationship, it can often help each member of the relationship develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their partner, the patterns that keep them unhappy, what will be required of each partner to create the love they want, and whether or not that is feasible together. Marriage counseling can be a powerful tool in improving your relationship.

How long will we be in couples' therapy?

Each relationship is different and while there is no hard-and-fast rule when it comes to effective couples therapy, relationships where there are active pain points, such as betrayal, abuse, or infidelity, may take longer to effectively navigate. Work collaboratively with your couples therapist to identify your goals as a couple, and resources, to see what kind of treatment plan and method is most recommended for you and your partner.

Is it okay to talk about sex? Or money?

Yes! Sex and money are two of the most heated topics in relationships and often those that people struggle most to talk about openly. A well-trained couples therapist or marriage counselor can help you navigate these subjects with less discomfort, explore points of shame, fear or conflict, and work toward negotiating solutions that are sustainable.

We’ve tried couples’ therapy before and it didn’t work. Now what?

Consider the reasons why couples therapy did not work in the past. Perhaps one or both of you were not ready to make changes, the couples therapist or marriage counselor you worked with wasn’t the best fit, the stakes were different then, or one partner was not reciprocating effort. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right couples therapist, at the time when everyone in the relationship is ready and open to explore and make changes. Discuss with your partner what you each might do differently, if you chose to start with a new therapist, and what you liked and disliked about the previous therapy. When you start exploring new therapists, you can ask questions from a more informed place, to ensure you start working with a therapist who can help you start where you stopped before, and into new opportunities for relational repair.

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