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What To Do When Someone Ghosts You in 2024?

by | Jun 12, 2024 | ATTACHMENT, RELATIONSHIPS, Uncategorized

What To Do When Someone Ghosts You

Ugh, ghosting. How is it 2024 and people are still ghosting each other?! For more than a decade this term has given language to the frustrating experience of someone abruptly ending communication with no explanation.


Many people have experienced the confusion, anger, and hurt that can come with being ghosted. The ambiguity of a love interest just disappearing is so anxiety-provoking because you don’t know if the relationship is truly over, or if there is a different reason for their absence.


If you don’t know where you stand, you might start filling in the blanks by blaming yourself and making up stories about the other person. And, even if you accept that the connection is over, you have no idea what happened or if something went wrong. This lack of clarity can be very confusing!


Most folks agree it’s one of the rudest dating habits. And yet, it still happens so frequently. If you are like most people, you will hear stories from friends and loved ones complaining about being ghosted, or jokes from friends about being the person who ghosts. At some point you may have been an active participant in either ghosting or being ghosted.


Why though?


If we know that ghosting is deserving of its bad rep, why is it still so common?


Common Reasons that People Ghost


Fear of confrontation


Letting someone down could lead to a moment of conflict, or a moment of facing heavier feelings of vulnerability, such as disappointment, sadness, etc. Holding such feelings feels uncomfortable for a lot of people, so they opt for avoidance.


Inability to practice clear communication


There is not enough relationship education, so most folks haven’t learned the communication skills needed to say things in an assertive but clear way that would get their point across. So, this one has to do with not knowing what to say, or how to say it.


Fear of hurting the other person’s feelings


As a result of living in a culture that has not learned how to hold and validate big feelings, lots of people feel intimidated or even scared of normal human emotions, such as pain, hurt and disappointment. It can feel like too much to handle.


Fear of retaliation or reactivity


If in the past, when rejecting someone, it has been met with anger and lashing out, then it makes sense that ghosting seems like a safer option.


The casual dating scene


Modern dating justifies the idea that having a couple of dates is still not a commitment, therefore “you don’t owe them anything” and can just move on to the next.


What To Do When Someone Ghosts You


Let yourself feel


The reasons for disappearance have so much more to do with the person who ghosts than with you, but it can feel so personal! It’s human to feel disappointed, sad, hurt, etc. Give yourself permission to feel it all.


Use different outlets to share, journal, and vent. Lean on your people. Go for a run, dance, or shake it out. And whenever you really need to let it all out, let yourself cry! Put on some music, sit down, and give in to the sadness, pain, or whatever emotions bubble to the surface.


Radical Acceptance


Radical acceptance speaks to investing conscious effort into acknowledging and honoring what is. It means accepting things as they are, instead of resisting and fighting circumstances and emotions that are outside of your control.

Practicing radical acceptance means recognizing that rejection will be part of the dating journey.




Rejection is not personal. Out of all the people out there, it would be impossible to think you will be the right match for all people, always. Intentional Dating means you do need to be thinking critically about desires, needs, chemistry, and non-negotiables. This results in filtering and weeding out the people who are not the right match, which has nothing to do with worthiness or being special enough, and more to do with personal values.


Here’s your reframe: Rejection is Redirection. The sooner you know who is not for you, the sooner you can move forward towards what is meant for you.

Self-love & carry on


Give yourself massive amounts of grace. Double down on your self-care and prioritize your mental health. Rest. And then… pick the mission back up.


Take any ending as a learning moment. Gain fresh perspective. Take the pressure off dating by thinking of it as an adventure, and a portal for learning about yourself. And when you’re ready, get back in the game.


As a suggestion, perhaps it’s best during this period of basking in self-love to spend minimal time on social media and if you want to keep browsing, perhaps considering muting or unfollowing the former love interest. This can help reduce the urge to seek answers the other person unfortunately did not give you.


What To Say Instead of Ghosting Someone


If you are not feeling the connection, you will be doing yourself and the other person a favor by being honest. Having a few scripts around common dating scenarios can help ease awkwardness.


If the first date was just not it:

“It was great meeting you, but I don’t feel enough of a connection to go on another date. I wish you all the best!”


If you are not ready for a relationship:

“I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I am realizing I am not in a position to get into a relationship. I want to be honest with you as I respect you and your time. I hope you can understand.”


If your fling is fizzling out and you are ready to move on:

“I have thoroughly enjoyed our time together and you have been so much fun to hang out with. I wanted to be honest and let you know I don’t see this progressing any further. I am grateful for what we shared, and I wish you the best.”


If you are feeling Just Friends vibes:

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. Because I respect you so much, I’d rather be honest. I’m not feeling a romantic connection. I really like you and would even be interested in being friends, but would never want to send the wrong signals, so please tell me if that is something you are interested in. If not, that’s totally okay too.”


If you are going exclusive with someone else:

“I just started seeing someone seriously and really want to see things through. I really hope you find what you’re looking for and I wish you the best.”


Feel free to personalize these words, make them your own. They are powerful because they close the loop of communication while bringing the focus back to yourself. Moreover, think of these moments as empowering for all, as you are setting a healthy boundary by ending the connection in a clear way, while also being respectful and kind towards the other person.

Modern Intimacy is a group therapy practice, founded by renowned Psychologist and Sex Therapist, Dr. Kate Balestrieri. This inclusive blog is designed to provide a wealth of information and resources for mental health, relationships, and sexuality. Subscribe today to get the latest information from our expert contributors from all around the world.


Author Bio

Gaby Balsells is a Clinical Psychologist, Licensed in Guatemala, and a Relationship and Intimacy Coach with almost a decade of experience guiding couples to understand each other and become a true team. Gaby is currently accepting coaching clients worldwide, and therapy clients from Guatemala.



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