Do you currently feel, or have you ever felt like you were struggling to have a connection with your body? Somatic sex therapy can help you with feeling more connected to your sexuality and what you are experiencing in your body at any given time.
First, What Even is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy, also known as psychotherapy or counseling, with a focus on sexuality, relationships, and sexual health. Sex therapy helps to resolve sexual difficulties, such as performance anxiety, pain during sex, sexual dysfunction, inability to orgasm, compulsive sexual behaviors, communication difficulties, sexual trauma, lack of bodily connection, and much more.
Sex therapy can be done with both individuals and couples. A therapist may start off exploring a client’s mental health, physical health, and sexual background. This can include sex education, current beliefs around sex, and specific sexual concerns. It is important to note that sex therapy sessions do not involve any physical contact or sexual activity between therapist and client.
A therapist may assign homework that the client can do outside of session, and in the following session, both therapist and client can discuss the process of that assignment (e.g. were there any stuck points, how did you speak to yourself in times when difficulties/blocks became present). Some of the homework that may be prescribed might be:
- Experimentation – therapists may invite the client to incorporate sex toys into their solo sex lives or partnership relations. Therapists may also invite clients to change their sexual routine or invite the clients to practice what they are wanting/desiring sexually.
- Education – many adults did not receive adequate sex education during their formative years. They may not be aware of how the body functions during sexual activity or the progression of arousal.
- Sensate focus – This is a technique that can be utilized both individually and with couples to help build trust and reduce anxiety. There are stages within sensate focus that start with nonsexual touch, progressing to genital touch, and ending with penetration (in some cases where appropriate).
What Does Somatic Sex Therapy Look Like?
Somatic therapy is a bottom-up approach, meaning that the start of the work begins with what the body is experiencing, rather than the mind/thoughts. A top-down approach is one that begins with the way that the brain is interpreting specific information, rather than how the body is interpreting information.
Somatic sex therapy is a holistic approach that can help a range of presenting issues, from complex trauma or sexual abuse, difficulty with setting or maintaining boundaries, mindfulness, and sexual dysfunction to name a few.
Somatic therapy centers around the connection between the mind and body and offers an invitation to pay attention to your body’s physical sensations, emotions, and responses to general touch and/or touch in relation to sexual experiences. First, to avoid any confusion, let’s talk about the different terms that are similar.
- Somatic sexology/somatic sexologist – The study of sex in relation to the body/a clinician who specializes in this area.
- Somatic experiencing – Aims to resolve symptoms people feel such as stress and trauma that resides in the body and nervous system.
- Somatic sex therapy – Approach to therapy that incorporates somatic practices of the physical body with traditional cognitive approaches. Sex therapists do not engage in touch with their clients but can provide exercises for outside of session time that includes self-touch, movement, and mindfulness.
- Sexological bodywork – A core component is around boundaries and consent. Not all this work involves physical touch from therapist to client, and all touch is strictly “one way.” The therapist does not receive touch from the client. These clinicians are trained in genital or anal touch for education and healing purposes.
While all of these modalities sound similar, the purpose of this blog is to focus solely on somatic sex therapy. Somatic sex therapists can work with both individuals and couples to assist them in exploring their unique thought patterns and bodily reactions related to their sexuality. This type of therapy aims to promote a positive relationship with one’s body and can be for all genders.
How Can Somatic Sex Therapy Improve Your Relationship with Sex?
The hope of somatic sex therapy is to empower individuals to achieve higher sexual and emotional satisfaction and heal the parts of themselves that carry negative thoughts or beliefs. There are many benefits to this type of therapy.
- Improved body awareness – you can become more in tune with how your body experiences sensations in a more safe and positive way.
- Enhanced sexual pleasure – you can experience an increase in sexual satisfaction and move from a performance-based relation with sex to a pleasure-based experience.
- Resolution of sexual trauma – the trauma that lives in the body from past experiences of abuse or neglect can get moved through the system, leaving more space for pleasure.
- Increased self-esteem and self-compassion – you can feel better about yourself and the way your body moves or experiences pleasure. There can be more self-acceptance in oneself as a sexual being.
- Improved communication – you can learn how to facilitate healthy and honest communication about desires and boundaries during sexual and sensual experiences with others.
- Reduced stress and anxiety – when physical tension is released, you may experience a sense of relaxation and peace, which can help in being more open to connection.
- Improved emotional regulation – you can learn ways to manage difficult emotions or sensations (e.g. regulating your nervous system), which can enhance the way you feel about yourself and your body.
- Increased ability to be mindful – you can experience a deeper body connection due to decreased feelings of anxiety or resistance, which can help you to feel more present during the physical and emotional closeness that comes with sex.
It is not a one-size-fits-all approach, and each individual may have a different experience of how they feel in connection with themselves and their body. It is important to keep in mind that therapy is not a “magic potion.” Therapy requires patience, commitment, and a willingness to explore areas of yourself you haven’t explored yet. Trust in the process and you will thank yourself afterwards.
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