As a therapist, I work closely with individuals and partners navigating the complexities of their intimate relationships. Among the myriad challenges they face, one recurring issue is sexual entitlement – the belief held by one partner that they have an inherent right to their partner’s body and sexual availability within the context of their relationship or marriage.
This entitlement often leads to the expectation of sexual intimacy at times without consideration for their partner’s desires, boundaries, or consent. This belief can manifest subtly, in non-violent ways that may go unnoticed, yet it can profoundly and negatively affect the dynamics of the relationship and the emotional well-being of all individuals involved.
What is Sexual Entitlement?
Sexual entitlement manifests in various forms, ranging from overt demands for sex to subtler expressions such as pouting, sulking, or emotional withdrawal when one’s sexual desires aren’t met according to their preferences and timing. While these behaviors may not involve overt sexual violence by physical force, they create a coercive atmosphere where one partner feels pressured to engage in sexual activity to maintain harmony or avoid emotional distress.
This phenomenon is prevalent across diverse relationship dynamics, but it can be particularly pronounced in cisgender straight relationships, oftentimes presenting as male sexual entitlement, though women can display this behavior as well. In many cases, societal expectations place pressure on individuals within these relationships, framing sex as an expected duty rather than a mutual expression of desire. This societal narrative can lead to the harmful belief that withholding sex equates to failure or disappointment within the relationship.
How Does Sexual Entitlement Impact Relationships?
When one partner feels a sense of entitlement to sex, it often creates a significant power imbalance within the relationship. The entitled partner may exert control over the other’s body and sexual choices, leading to feelings of resentment, fear, and a loss of trust. This dynamic can lead to reducing the relationship to a transactional basis where intimacy becomes a duty or expectation.
Consequently, the partner who feels objectified or pressured may shut down any attempts at physical intimacy, fearing that their partner might expect more than they are willing to give, further eroding trust and emotional connection. These dynamics can have profound negative effects on emotional intimacy and overall relationship health.
In some cases, partners may feel compelled to comply with these expectations out of fear. They might worry that withholding sex could lead to feelings of guilt or anxiety about potential repercussions or justification of their partner seeking sex elsewhere. This dynamic can transform sexual interactions into obligations rather than mutually fulfilling experiences, further reinforcing the power imbalance and contributing to emotional disconnection between partners.
How to Overcome Sexual Entitlement in your Relationship(s)
Addressing sexual entitlement requires a multifaceted approach grounded in open communication and mutual respect. It’s imperative for partners to create a safe space where they can openly express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation. Seeking the guidance of a qualified sex therapist can provide invaluable support in navigating these sensitive conversations and developing effective strategies to address sexual entitlement issues.
It’s essential to acknowledge that everyone has the right to bodily autonomy and to make decisions about their sexual activity free from coercion or pressure.
In addition to fostering open communication and mutual respect, incorporating principles of sexual health can further support efforts to address sexual entitlement within relationships. Adapted from the Six Principles of Sexual Health, developed by Doug Braun-Harvey, the following principles offer a framework for creating a safer and more fulfilling sexual experience for all partners involved:
Consent
Emphasizing the importance of enthusiastic and ongoing consent in all sexual interactions is crucial. Recognizing that no one is inherently entitled to another person’s body or sexual availability is fundamental to fostering healthy relationships, even if they are married.
Non-exploitation
Ensuring that sexual interactions are free from coercion or exploitation, regardless of age, status, gender, relationship status or other factors. Recognizing and addressing power imbalances that may contribute to feelings of entitlement, thereby promoting healthy and respectful interactions based on mutual consent and genuine respect for each person’s autonomy.
Honesty
Encouraging honest and open communication about desires, boundaries, and experiences within sexual relationships is crucial. This communication should encompass addressing underlying emotions such as resentment or fear, which can contribute to feelings of entitlement. Creating a space for genuine dialogue helps foster mutual understanding and respect, promoting healthier and more fulfilling sexual interactions
Shared Values
Recognizing and respecting each other’s values and boundaries in sexual relationships is essential. It involves actively working toward a shared understanding of sexual respect and autonomy, where both partners feel empowered to express their needs and preferences without judgment or pressure. This mutual respect forms the foundation for a healthy and fulfilling sexual connection based on trust, communication, and shared values.
Protection from HIV/STIs and unwanted pregnancy
Taking precautions to protect oneself and one’s partner from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unwanted pregnancies is crucial. This responsibility extends beyond physical health to include considerations of mutual respect and autonomy in sexual relationships.
By fostering open and honest communication about sexual history, testing, and contraceptive methods, partners can navigate these discussions with sensitivity and respect for each other’s boundaries and preferences.
This approach not only enhances physical safety but also reinforces the principles of consent and mutual understanding, thereby supporting a healthy and respectful sexual dynamic that is free from entitlement or coercion.
Mutual Pleasure
Prioritizing the mutual satisfaction and comfort of both partners in sexual experiences is essential. It involves ensuring that one partner’s pleasure is never prioritized over the other’s consent or comfort.
By maintaining open communication and respecting boundaries, both partners can actively participate in creating an environment where pleasure is shared equally and enthusiastically. This approach fosters a respectful and fulfilling sexual connection based on mutual desire and consent, promoting a healthier and more enjoyable experience for both individuals involved.
In conclusion, although sexual entitlement may not always manifest as physical violence, it constitutes a form of coercion that can negatively affect a relationship dynamic in profound ways.
By acknowledging and confronting these behaviors, couples can strive for a healthier and more respectful sexual dynamic. It’s crucial to remember that a fulfilling sexual relationship is founded on mutual consent, respect, and understanding, rather than entitlement alone.
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