If you are someone who identifies as a woman, how have you been feeling lately? If your answer would include the word ‘angry’ then you are not alone. Many women are angry, fed up, resentful, tired, and burnt out by their individual lived experiences, as well as the lived experiences of women collectively and historically.
Why are women so angry lately? The answers are nuances and may vary from woman to woman, but what remains a common shared experience lately is tapping into feminine rage, solo and collectively, as a response to generations of gender-based oppression. Let’s dive into unpacking feminine rage and how women can explore empowerment through embracing their anger.
What is Feminine Rage?
Before explaining the concept of feminine rage, let’s discuss the definition of feminism. At its roots, feminism is a social movement that advocates for equality of the genders. Taken a bit further, there is what’s called intersectional feminism, which is a term that was coined by civil rights activist and professor, Kimberlé Crenshaw.
Intersectional feminism refers to a more nuanced and inclusive form of feminism that looks at the intersections of women’s identities (gender, race, sexual orientation, education level, economic status, disability, age, etc.) and the levels of discrimination that a woman will be at risk of facing depending on her intersecting identities.
For example, while a white woman can still experience sexism, misogyny, and gender-based violence, a wealthy, able-bodied white woman’s experience in the world is going to be different than say an economically disadvantaged black transgender woman who is disabled. Both move through the world as women and as such are susceptible to sexism, however, the potential for bias, discrimination, and oppression will likely be much more prevelent for the BIPOC transgender woman.
Now that we’ve clarified feminism, what is feminine rage? Feminine rage is a response to lineages of gender-based oppression targeted at women via institutions such as patriarchy. You might think of feminine rage as death by a thousand cuts, rather than one singular event. Feminine rage, for many people, has lied dormant within the body and buried under generations of societal messaging, rigid gender roles and expectations, biases, and violence leveraged at women.
This rage is cumulative and for many, this is the first time that a lot of women are choosing to no longer ignore or suppress their anger – many women are giving themselves agency and permission to feel, express, and embrace their anger as a form of personal empowerment, after years of being told to “know their place.”
Why We Suppress Feminine Rage
“What are the words you do not have yet? What do you need to say? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language” — Audre Lorde, Sister Outsiders: Essays and Speeches (1984)
Patriarchal societies do not like an angry woman. Under patriarchy, the ideal woman is quiet, meek, agreeable, unconditionally loyal, and self-sacrificing. She puts everyone before herself and never verbally complains about that expectation. Her role is one of doting wife and mother and she is disconnected from other aspects of her identity that make her a whole person.
She is modest and devoid of sexuality, unless she is partnered with a male then her sexuality is focused on her male partner’s pleasure. She certainly does not talk back, have opinions, challenge men and/or the system, and she is not (outwardly) angry.
Why do women sever themselves from anger while men are given a pass and sometimes even respected for their displays of anger? The short answer is women are made to feel as if they are not entitled to their anger, despite their experiences of gender-based oppression under patriarchy. In many societies, angry women are not taken seriously, are silenced, and dismissed. Female anger is often perceived as frivolous and labeled as “overly emotional” (i.e., “it must be your time of the month”).
Many women also are fearful of their anger – fearful of letting themselves feel, grieve, and welcome anger as part of them and their lived experience. To welcome anger means to accept that women have been unjustifiably subjugated, silenced, dismissed, and harmed simply for existing.
Sometimes, it simply feels easier and less distressing to swallow anger. For instance, let’s say you work with someone who makes sexist jokes about women that make you feel uncomfortable. You go to HR, talk to your manager, and other co-workers, only to be told that the co-worker is “just joking,” and you’re given the suggestion to ignore the co-worker’s crude remarks.
Through that scenario, you might learn that even when you do attempt to use your voice, people will just tell you to ignore your discomfort and essentially get over it. Overtime, this chronic silencing from others can transition into self-silencing and eventually self-abandonment as you come to learn that as a woman, your voice will not be heard.
How to Tap into Your Feminine Rage with Empowerment
You might be wondering, “Yes, I am angry, but what can I do about that?” In the context of feminine rage, there are steps you can take to tap into a more empowered way of embracing and expressing your feminine rage. Let’s explore a few options.
Get Curious About Your Anger
Embracing anger can be difficult because anger is a complicated emotion for many. Many people have experienced anger being expressed in a terrifying and violent manner, which can create a sense that anger is inherently bad and unhealthy. Anger, like other emotions, is a response to some sort of stimuli and it’s essentially information.
What is your anger telling you? What does it feel like? Where does it stem from? Where in or on your body do you feel it? Getting curious about questions like these, as opposed to snuffing out the anger, can allow you to embrace your anger with more neutrality rather than something that should be ignored, avoided, or eradicated.
Foster Community
Community is the antinode to helplessness and isolation. When people feel beat down by systems of oppression, it can be tempting to give up and accept your unjust fate. Through community, people can learn that others have similar struggles and don’t have to go about life alone. Find your community of women and center them in your life as much as you can as they can be your lifeline when you start to feel like the system is too powerful. There is strength in numbers and your community of women and allies can evoke a sense of hope, comradery, and power.
Read, Listen, and Explore Feminine Rage
If you are at the beginning of your feminism or feminine rage journey, there is a plethora of resources available to gather more information and learn more about your experiences. There are a never-ending supply of books, podcasts, documentaries, social media content, workshops and more to explore concepts around feminine rage and historical figures who have been leading the charge in the feminist movement over the course of time.
Process Your Anger
Anger needs somewhere to go. If you allow it to fester inside you, there is a heightened chance that your anger will continue to erode at your sense of self, physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual health, and keep you disconnected from yourself. Working with a therapist or coach who operates from an intersectional feminist lens can help you start to make sense of your anger and experiences and discover the best way to move through your emotions.
Get Involved
If it feels like you want to express your anger through, activism, there are so many organizations that are making strides towards gender-based equality. You can search for local community organizations, volunteer opportunities, and other activism causes that allow you to get more deeply involved in the fight for equality and justice.
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