Making the decision to forgo having children is not new. However, some people are now more vocal about why they have decided to live child free by choice. Regardless of the reason, a person’s decision around having children is deeply personal and connected to personal preference, finances, and expectations around emotional and domestic labor and mental load.
The Childfree By Choice Movement
Being childfree by choice is described as the conscious choice to forgo having children. The term “childfree” was first recorded in the early 1900s, but became more popularly used during Second Wave Feminism.
During the Second Wave in the 1960s and 70s, women fought for their right to equal wages at work and spoke out about their displeasure with the traditional expectations of women to stay in the home and focus their attention solely on domestic labor and childrearing. Presently, there are many reasons why individuals or those in long-term partnerships choose to live their lives childfree, some of which are similar to those described above.
Additional reasons some people don’t want kids include cost of raising a child, a desire for more free time, the environmental impact of children, career focus, and other personal reasons. Many women also choose to remain childfree due to the inequities that can arise in straight relationships surrounding the domestic and emotional labor required in raising children. According to a 2018 Pew Research Center survey, 37% of non-parents age 18-49 reported they are “not likely” or “not too likely” to have children someday.
The same research in 2021 showed a 7% increase to 44% of non-parents reporting it is “not likely” or “not too likely” that they would have children. The decision not to have children is more popular than ever and people who can get pregnant and their partners are talking about it.
Terms like “DINK” or “Dual Income, No Kids,” “SINK” or “Single Income, No Kids,” or “DINKWAD” or “Dual Income, No Kids With A Dog” have risen to popularity on social media platforms as a way for people to highlight the positive aspects of being childfree. Despite the shift toward a childfree life being more acceptable and common, those choosing to forgo parenthood are often still met with shame, skepticism, and sometimes hate.
The Politics of Being Childfree By Choice in 2024
Recently, childfree people have come under fire from politicians and public figures claiming that childfree folks are less valuable to society. In July 2023, Elon Musk tweeted that “The childless have little stake in the future.” In 2021 then Senate candidate, now candidate for Vice President, JD Vance, called his opposition “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.”
Vance went on to say “And how does it make any sense that we’ve turned our country over to people who don’t really have a direct stake in it?” Vance, Musk, and others have suggested that those who choose to be childfree should pay higher taxes or have fewer voting rights.
This rhetoric is not new but a loud and public representation of the scrutiny individuals who choose to live childfree have endured for decades. While some folks like Taylor Swift have decided to embrace and reclaim the “childless cat lady” trope, others have likely felt silenced and fearful about what this all means for their future and their ability to make choices about their reproduction especially after the overturning of Roe V. Wade on June 2022.
How to Manage Ambivalence
In a time when it feels necessary to choose a path, it can feel isolating for folks who are ambivalent about having children. However, choosing to have a child is a deeply personal choice. The person or people making the decision have to consider both their ability and desire to expand their family and the societal and possible familial pressure to do so.
Those who are unsure about having children often find themselves spending time thinking about the value of both choices. If you are feeling ambivalent, you are not alone. Ambivalence is a normal human experience.
Those who feel ambivalence about having children can feel guilty and may ask themselves how they “should” feel based on the desires and expectations of themselves and others.
If you are feeling unsure, here are a few questions to ask yourself. “Who is this decision for?” “What is at risk if I choose one path versus the other?” “When would I know I had come to a decision and what would that feel like?” “Do I feel I have the skills and support to make a decision authentic to my desires?” “Will I be able to have the life I want for myself if I choose this path?”
If you continue to struggle with this decision, it may be time to seek support from a coach or therapist who can help you consider all options.
Living a childfree life presents opportunities that can be very attractive to folks. If you are a childfree person or experiencing ambivalence about having children, you are not alone.
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