It’s officially cozy season! And what better way to enjoy Fall than curling up with a good, insightful, book? The following are some recommended self-help books that cover the domains of sexuality, relationships and general mental health.
It can feel overwhelming, the sheer amount of self-help books out there these days. These are some of the ones that many therapists recommend, or that clients, family, and friends have found helpful. Hopefully you can find some inspiration in this for your own reading list!
Self Help Books for Sexuality
Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality & Create the Relationships You Want – Alexandra Solomon, PhD
Although this book is not exclusionary in its definition of “woman,” it may resonate most with straight, cisgender women. Dr. Solomon is an expert in this field, and she guides each reader to consider the various messages about sexuality that may have clouded one’s own authentic “sexy.”
Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon and KD Diamond
This is a great options for anyone who identifies with the word “girl” as well as for anyone who is having sex with someone who identifies a “girl.” It follows a quirky road trip story as a way to pull together a VAST array of knowledge on sex, all with fun illustrations along the way.
The New Male Sexuality – Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D.
This is a bit of an older book, but the fact still unfortunately remains that cis heterosexual men are often taught inaccurate and harmful messages around sex, that this book directly counters. This is a great book for any cis man who is struggling with sex and intimacy.
Ethical Porn for Dicks – David J. Ley, PhD
This book is incredible for anyone exploring their relationship to pornography, although it is written for a cis man audience, specifically. It includes historical and contextual information about pornography and will help you redefine your porn use to feel more in line with your values and ethics; plus, the cheeky title is a nice touch!
Fucking Trans Women – a zine by Mira Bellwether
This could be an interested read for anyone who is, or is having sex, a trans-femme person. An oldie, but a goodie – consisting of a precise how-to guides for affirming sex along with beautiful art and stories.
Pleasure Activism – adrienne maree brown
This is a beautiful collection of writings that will reshape how you view pleasure and its role in politics and activism. This is one of those books you can always come back to, open at any page, and find inspiration and wisdom. The book can be both a fast paced or slow read, depending on your preference.
A Practical Guide to Sex: Finally, Helpful Sex Advice! – Meg-John Barker PhD and Justin Hancock
This looks like a super inclusive, queer-friendly self-help book on sex.
Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences In Relationships – by Lauren Fogel Mersy, PsyD and Jennifer Vencill, PhD, ABPP
Desire discrepancy is one of the most common issues couples face when they seek out sex therapy. Despite this notion, most resources on this topic are only written with cis, straight, monogamous couples in mind. Thankfully, this books seems to take on a more inclusive approach!
Self Help Books on Relationships
The Relationship Cure – John Gottman, PhD
This is a book that focuses on building deeper connections and the idea of an “emotional bid.” It provides helpful strategies for individuals hoping to strengthen any of their important relationships, as well as their own personal development.
Fight Right – Julie Gottman, PhD and John Gottman, PhD
This Gottman book focuses on how to handle conflict in a healthy, and ultimately connection-building way.
The Ethical Slut – Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
This book definitely isn’t the newest book on non-monogamy out there, but it is often considered a bonafide classic. The Ethical Slut can be a great book for anyone exploring or wanting to learn more about non-monogamy.
Polysecure – Jessica Fern
Polysecure is another great book on polyamory, but this time with a focus on attachment theory, which gives it a unique edge. Even if you aren’t polyamorous, this book has lots of wisdom about attachment style and relationships that you might find helpful in your own relationships.
In Each Other’s Care – Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT
In Each Other’s Care is primarily organized around common conflicts in relationships, and how to handle these to get “win-win” outcomes. This book is easy to read, super insightful, and applies to a lot of different scenarios couples can learn from and relate to.
Mating in Captivity – Esther Perel, PhD
This book is another classic recommended by many couples and sex therapists. This book touches on many of Dr. Esther Perel’s theories around love and intimacy that she is known for – particularly the tension between distance and closeness.
Attached – Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel Heller, M.A.
This book seems like a great resource on attachment theory and how it affects people in their romantic and other relationships.
Self Help Books on Mental Health
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle – Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA
This book is written for a femme audience, but I think anyone can learn from this. This book aims to help untangle some of the “have it all” messages that so many people receive, which can ultimately lead to extreme overwhelm and fatigue. They even have a workbook if you are interested in additional integration of the literature.
Radical Acceptance – Tara Brach, PhD
This is a great introductory, yet comprehensive, guide on the concept of radical acceptance. This book uses Buddhist teachings to help readers become more present and compassionate with themselves and others.
The Body Is Not an Apology – Sonya Renee Taylor
This book is about folks’ relationships with their bodies, but it is also about radical self-love, as a whole. It is beautifully written and will challenge you to think differently about how you view your own and others’ bodies.
The Queer and Trans Resilience Workbook – Anneliese Singh, PhD, LPC
This is a wonderful workbook for any queer or trans person hoping to better understand themselves and build real resilience strategies in the face of minority stress. This comprehensive workbook centers connection and community.
Facing the Fracture – Tania Israel, PhD
Dr. Tania Israel is an expert psychologist when it comes to coping with and speaking about political divides.
Atomic Habits – James Clear
This is one of those “go-to” self-help books at the front of the book store, but that’s likely for a reason! Many people have spoken about how helpful they have found this book to be for their own personal growth.
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