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Recognizing the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

by | Dec 23, 2020 | RELATIONSHIPS, TRAUMA

A woman who has realized the effects of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

Do you feel worthless, guilty and continually walking on eggshells and doubting your ability to make decisions? These are some of the ravaging effects of narcissistic abuse syndrome that can leave you feeling trapped, helpless and depressed.

When you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you naturally tend to focus more on your partner and why they behave the way they do and seldom consider the impact their actions have on you. However, narcissist abuse can have serious long-term effects on your emotional health, and you may suffer from narcissistic abuse syndrome.

Discover all about narcissism in men and women, and learn about signs and symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome.

What is Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome?

Narcissistic abuse syndrome is the severe effect of abuse from a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Narcissistic abuse, especially when a partner is emotionally abusive, can be very hard for the victim to identify because it’s subtle, and narcissists are masters of disguise: gaslighting, manipulating and controlling their victims for their gain.

A narcissistic person can cause you to be confused and disconnected from the emotional pain and effects of the abuse. Instead, you’re preoccupied with your perceived failures and trying to understand your abusive partner, which takes a toll on you, affecting your emotional health.

Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome

You know you’re suffering from narcissistic abuse victim syndrome if you have the following symptoms:

1. Always Walking On Egg Shells 

As a human, you tend to avoid things that remind you of terrible things in the past. Therefore, to cope with the past effects of narcissistic abuse, you’re careful with how you talk and act around the abuser. You do this to avoid crossing paths, physical abuse, or domestic violence.

However, avoiding something or someone doesn’t make it go away. You remain to be the abuser’s emotional punching bag whenever they feel like it. Because you don’t want to provoke your abuser, you avoid confrontation and never set any boundaries, giving them even more space to continue with the vice.

You spend too much time wearing a mask and, in time, lose your personality, making it hard for you to be assertive while navigating the real world.

2. Sense of Mistrust

As a coping mechanism, you begin to mistrust others’ intentions, especially if you suffered narcissistic abuse from someone close. The abuser convinces you that your feelings and experiences are invalid and you, therefore, tend never to trust others and yourself.

3. Self-Isolation

Although abusers tend to isolate their victims, you tend to self-isolate because you feel ashamed for being abused. Victims believe that no one will understand them and self-isolate instead of seeking help to avoid the shame, judgment of their abusers.

When you self-isolate, you have no one to speak to because you think no one will understand you. This makes room for the abuser to lure you back in with kindness, fake apologies or even pretending the abuse never happened.

4. Loss of Self Worth

As a result of your abuser’s verbal abuse and insulting nicknames, you tend to lose your self-worth. Some narcissistic abuse cases involve a third party. The abuser tends to always compare you to the other party to destroy your self-worth. In turn, you’re ever in a competition to get your abuser’s approval over the other.

Often, victims of narcissistic abuse spend time thinking about and hearing their abuser’s voice in their heads, reminding them of all the insults. This lowers their self-esteem and sometimes results in self-sabotage. If you don’t get help soon, the abuser would even lead you to commit suicide.

5. Feeling Lonely

When there’s no communication with your narcissistic partner because they won’t listen to you or give you the silent treatment, it can leave you feeling isolated, causing you to be vulnerable to further emotional manipulation.

Your partner may act kind, apologize or pretend nothing happened to draw you back in, a tactic known as hoovering.

Hoovering is most effective when you have no support and no one to talk to, and you doubt your perceptions of the abuse or justify it. Even worse is when loved ones tell you you’re wrong and encourage you to forgive your abusive partner.

6. Freezing Up

People respond differently to abuse and trauma, sometimes by running from the situation (fight) or confronting their abusive partner (fight).

If neither of these methods works for you, or for some reason you feel you can’t use them, you might feel helpless and resort to the freezing response.

The freezing response often involves distancing yourself from the abuse in an attempt to minimize its intensity by numbing some of the pain and distress you’re experiencing.

7. Trouble Making Decisions

Constant criticism and devaluation rob you of your confidence and self-worth.

Narcissistic abuse entails frequent implications that you can’t do anything right and your decisions are always wrong. They may outright call you ignorant or stupid, disguising it in a falsely affectionate tone such as, “Sweetheart, you’re too dumb. How would you survive without me?”

Sadly, you start to absorb these insults and, over time, start to believe them, causing you to second-guess yourself, a technique known as gaslighting. This tactic makes you doubt your decision-making abilities and is so severe that it can even cause you to question your sanity.

8. Feeling Like You’ve Done Something Wrong

Narcissists have difficulty taking responsibility for their destructive behavior or negative actions, instead skillfully finding some way to heap the blame on you.

They’re masters of this deceit, often succeeding at making you feel guilty for their actions by:

  • Exploding with anger, leading you to believe your accusations must be wrong, so you end up apologizing and accepting you were wrong.
  • Insisting they said something you forgot.

The irony of it all is it leaves you feeling helpless and dependent and grateful they’re willing to put up with you and stay with you with all the mistakes you keep making, a belief you could carry with you even after leaving the relationship.

What is more, each time something goes wrong in other areas of your life, you may struggle to accept that you’re not the cause of the problem.

Get Help Now!

Narcissistic abuse , like domestic violence, is traumatic, often causing serious health issues to the victim. It can even take a severe toll on your mental health, especially when it takes too long to diagnose. It can substitute your happy days with seasons full of sadness and self-hate. However, you deserve to be happy; and to do so, you need help to get through the trauma from professionals.

At Modern Intimacy, we provide counseling and therapy services to help you get back to your feet. Book a consultation and begin your road to recovery today.

Modern Intimacy is a group therapy practice, founded by renowned Psychologist and Sex Therapist, Dr. Kate Balestrieri. This inclusive blog is designed to provide a wealth of information and resources for mental health, relationships, and sexuality. Subscribe today to get the latest information from our expert contributors from all around the world.

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Author Bio

Dr. Kate Balestrieri is a Licensed Psychologist (CA, FL, IL + NY), Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and PACT III trained Couples Therapist. She is the Founder of Modern Intimacy. Follow her on TikTok and IG @drkatebalestrieri and the Modern Intimacy team on IG @themodernintimacy.

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25 Comments

  1. Andrea Conant

    I know I need help. I am disabled. I live on social security. My entire family does not speak to me. I have no friends here. I live day to day and wonder how I do it.
    I can’t drive – have no car.
    I can’t afford a psychologist. I am stuck. I will be 67 this year. I raised two daughters and he took them from me. I am broken.

    Reply
    • Carena newman

      I’m feeling helped too I’m carena Newman and have 2daughters and he’s pure evil he’s kept them from being around me I Findlay said enough but now I’m being attacked and probably still being around him he has made my door off hinges so I can’t lock it he comes in when I’m not here leaving bad things around I’m scared to leave the house now he has two payed man and woman to befriend me with unpure stuff filling my mind I can’t ask for help from law because they set it up for me to fail my getaway .I thought I did good by making him leave but now I’m in pure hell.no where to turn for pure mommy and kid time why am I so targeted I gave him everything both vehicles and all our stuff but I think he’s just holding that stuff he thought it would make me take him back .Now he’s making scare tactics and audio and camera’s I have just become my own worst hell day in day out.How do I get away alive with my girls .I don’t know what’s going on now been a couple weeks but he’s always just room my disability on 3 Rd then I’m 400 – every month this is the first month in 4 years he didn’t come back on payday lol.so now I’m scared like a little girl in a dark closet.

      Reply
    • Mary Pritchard

      Where are you??

      Reply
    • Melissa Mag

      Oh no!! I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you talked to anyone about this yet?? I too am in an emotionally abusive relationship. I’m here for you if you need someone to vent to.

      Reply
      • Elise Friedman

        I’m 69 on social security fixed income. Emotionally abused by roommate with a narcissistic personality
        I’ve been trying to get him out as he says clean up, pay for re t and food, but if I mention that he starts at me. His manipulation and twisting truth are just the beginning. Since I am the lease holder, I can’t evict him. I cled the police. So many times, and it’s alway a civil matter and they leave. His girlfriend vandalized my car by slashing sidewalls , and the next time 3 tires so I wouldn’t give him rides. Of course, I didn’t want to transport him.
        That’s the short version. I’m never right, do everything wrong . Where can I get help?

        Reply
    • Klm

      I’m so sorry I feel so isolated and hopelessly depressed too. I just want to go back to life before her, nothing we had was worth the pain of what she put me through…. I was treated like disposable trash and utterly betrayed in every way possible by this person I thought was the love of my life. Turns out she is just a master manipulator and everything I always feared… it’s so humiliating now being this broken losing my life and everything I worked so hard for over a person who never meant a word they said and planned out your suffering for their benefit. It’s too twisted to go into details but for me personally it was the coolest most cruel anyone has ever treated me… she is such a little want to be victim it’s deplorable how low she sunk to make me look crazy while torturing me, leading me on more future faking and promises like everything else she said… I know I need more help too but at this point I feel like just living again is the only way I can move on, but the depression and anxiety took over my life I can barely leave the house anymore… I hate that people like this exist and feel nothing for all the hurt they do… it’s so selfish and sick but I guess I was naïve to believe in her. She knew how she would leave from before we got together, it was all fake for her but for me it meant everything… she felt like my other half, real family I’d love forever but she just clung on extra to make me react me.. even the night before her escape she was having me record videos being extra giving it makes me feel so sick and violated I just cry or feel Like crying all the time anymore… I hope you can get through, I know there’s hope lately has just been extra hard again, it always is but it comes in waves.. but never goes away… I’m hopeful erdm and new meds will help and just practicing self care and being patient no matter how hard I want to give up. You can do it too

      Reply
      • LeeMc

        This made me tear up. That pain and frustration became my life for too long. There are so many great resources and more people in your situation then you realize. It’s scary, confusing, you feel so isolated and used afterwards. Then when you really look back at all the things over the years.. learn all the tactics emotional manipulators use… well I’d like to say you feel free but I still feel the pain of it and carry it inside no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I will let go when I can until then baby steps and back steps might not seem like much but as long as you keep trying and no matter how hard it gets never give up, I have faith you can still feel whole again some day after narcissistic abuse

        Reply
        • Thomas

          This is how I feel too.. it’s hard to remember being happy or feeling safe, I’d settle for content but I haven’t felt that way in so long. Losing more family and my career now has been hard. Being coerced to start over at this age isn’t how I imagined the next few years. I’m dreading the holidays again, just came from a funeral and watching everyone leave with their partner, driving home to an empty house and crying alone is so hard when you just want your loved one the one you thought you knew to care.. it’s pathetic they don’t and I wish I could move in in my mind but I still feel trapped by the pain of everything. Being used by the person you thought was forever then used more for the victim story.. still dealing with it and all I want is to heal and move in but they need to have their power and control even after they ruin your life completely they want their sick ties to you so you can’t be happy

          Reply
        • Boy Understairs

          I’m so sorry you loved and were used as a scape goat for their trauma. No one deserves to be dehumanized and vilified via devastating emotions manipulation. It can take years to work through that alone if you haven’t sought help yet I’m urging you to. There’s no shame in ptsd even if it was a short relationship the mental scars emotional users leave can last a lifetime. Can you remember the last time you felt a day without feeling used or didn’t feel like a part of you was drowning since they left and suddenly forgot all their promises and needed to ignore you for 2 months while you died inside waiting for them as they pulled away and made you their new monster… you need to try. Please, do it for me I can talk in full sentences now I had to grow up fast to be strong for you now, we both deserve a break. Everyone suffering deserves a break and there’s already too much suffering, stop adding to it and we can help each other don’t give up now. Please for me I deserve it I’ve been down too long

          Reply
      • Katie Norton-McMurray

        Yeah Narcissistic men and women like my ex don’t really care about anyone or anything but themselves. It’s all an act even kids, pets, any real sign of love and they’ll make they’re most beloved thing their worst enemy .. they don’t have real emotional attachments to things just what looks or feels good for them at the time. They’ll just lie to their enablers and justify their abuse away and blame everyone… but the older they get the harder it is to hide. They’ll end up just like their real abusers usually their parents in the end, the thing they run from and try to transfer the pain of into anyone who gets too close. Sick lying cowards will torture you than call you the abuser

        Reply
        • Kate leeeee

          You know what was really maddening feeling how close you were in the pit of me that can see wherever it wants to. I already knew you were too far gone to ever reach even though I could walk to your shelter, why did you do that? Fine to grow for you but I was not abusive you labeled me your abuser and treated me in ways you promised so deeply you never would. Covid was weird and scary times, how could you be that way, all those ways I told you would break me as a person while everything was already so bad… it really never stops hurting, I doubt it ever will. And you know how much I need to torture myself, I have… and then some. And you’re still wrong and sick and for the ways you were to me You know what was really maddening feeling how close you were in the pit of me that can see wherever it wants to. I already knew you were too far gone to ever reach even though I could walk to your shelter, why did you do that? Fine to grow for you but I was not abusive you labeled me your abuser and treated me in ways you promised so deeply you never would. Covid was weird and scary times, how could you be that way, all those ways I told you would break me as a person while everything was already so bad… it really never stops hurting, I doubt it ever will. And you know how much I need to torture myself, I have… and then some. And you’re still wrong and sick for the ways you treated me. Even if you are mentally Ill you don’t have the right yo use and destroy people for your personal growth.

          Reply
      • HoneyBearEr

        You know, past all the hurt you express and I feel all too often in my bones I know it’s not the right way to heal. My problem is I’m still trapped in all those days wondering if if the love of my life and closest companion had lost her mind or would ever look at me again. It changed me. In ways I don’t know how to fix and I wish I could say I was feeling more optimistic and strong, like my old self as time goes on but that’s not how I feel inside. I feel diminished as a person and disposable in Every-way I used to tell myself I was strong… it’s like someone sold me a dream then stole the parts of me I needed to be strong they used to praise me for and I don’t know how to feel normal or good or whole or anything but lost and used anymore… I hate this, I hate who I am now and what it did to me.. I never felt so betrayed and used and worthless.. less than worthless because I was used as free for the victim story. After years of promises and letters and art expressing to always nurture all the things that were used to hurt me so deeply it broke me in fundamental ways I needed to survive… why?? Why?? Why?? Katie why??? After so long and being so close did I jus tip and go and never talk or look at me a again.. goh made me into your next monster like you always promised not to…
        You shit me out.. did everything in the cruelest way and then even after your baiting hurtful email didn’t work you still took me to court??? For pics… I loved you so much; with all my heart like deeper than family and you used me… why?? What makes your life and getting over whatever your trauma is worth taking away strength I earned.. that I needed… you aren’t right or fair .. and you’re not the victim here. Uou lied for years!! You violated me in ways that you’d probably be arrested for if our roles were reversed and you still try ti punish me ti validate it all!! When it’s all bull.. i was tucking you in with the kids, I’m like
        Your practice husband and you still get this sick victim attention and ruin my life and career. My whole future after already letting you feed and grow off me for your fake trauma you need t on pass in for some sense of power and control.. it’s not fair! You used me and then made me into your horror story and it cost me all these things u used to praise me for, why?? You have no empathy, no real emotions. You just want attention, the pics the insane victim crap
        It all makes sense. All the friends j never knew about and lies i fed me.. you are disgusting.. you preach karma and mental health while u weaponize psychology and twist reality to grow from torturing other people in the ways u can’t heal. I see you. I wish I could pity you but all I feel is self hate which I guess is why you chose me. Clinically depressed people will blame themselves, real abuse victims will too.. you made me your scape goat because you pretended to be hurt in the ways I was only to take the parts I needed and earned and dump
        Your hurt on me… why??? Why?? Why

        Reply
      • HoneyBearEr

        You know, past all the hurt you express and I feel all too often in my bones I know it’s not the right way to heal. My problem is I’m still trapped in all those days wondering if if the love of my life and closest companion had lost her mind or would ever look at me again. It changed me. In ways I don’t know how to fix and I wish I could say I was feeling more optimistic and strong, like my old self as time goes on but that’s not how I feel inside. I feel diminished as a person and disposable in Every-way I used to tell myself I was strong… it’s like someone sold me a dream then stole the parts of me I needed to be strong they used to praise me for and I don’t know how to feel normal or good or whole or anything but lost and used anymore… I hate this, I hate who I am now and what it did to me.. I never felt so betrayed and used and worthless.. less than worthless because I was used as free for the victim story. After years of promises and letters and art expressing to always nurture all the things that were used to hurt me so deeply it broke me in fundamental ways I needed to survive… why?? Why?? Why?? Katie why??? After so long and being so close did I jus tip and go and never talk or look at me a again.. goh made me into your next monster like you always promised not to…
        You shit me out.. did everything in the cruelest way and then even after your baiting hurtful email didn’t work you still took me to court??? For pics… I loved you so much; with all my heart like deeper than family and you used me… why?? What makes your life and getting over whatever your trauma is worth taking away strength I earned.. that I needed… you aren’t right or fair .. and you’re not the victim here. Uou lied for years!! You violated me in ways that you’d probably be arrested for if our roles were reversed and you still try ti punish me ti validate it all!! When it’s all bull.. i was tucking you in with the kids, I’m like
        Your practice husband and you still get this sick victim attention and ruin my life and career. My whole future after already letting you feed and grow off me for your fake trauma you need t on pass in for some sense of power and control.. it’s not fair! You used me and then made me into your horror story and it cost me all these things u used to praise me for, why?? You have no empathy, no real emotions. You just want attention, the pics the insane victim crap
        It all makes sense. All the friends j never knew about and lies i fed me.. you are disgusting.. you preach karma and mental health while u weaponize psychology and twist reality to grow from torturing other people in the ways u can’t heal. I see you. I wish I could pity you but all I feel is self hate which I guess is why you chose me. Clinically depressed people will blame themselves, real abuse victims will too.. you made me your scape goat because you pretended to be hurt in the ways I was only to take the parts I needed and earned and dump
        Your hurt on me… why??? Why?? Why

        Reply
      • Katie McMurray

        I hate What narc abuse did to me.. j just want to feel normal and content and not used and abused for a day for a fing minute plz god

        Reply
      • Tom

        It’s time to let it go and move on with your life you’re only hurting yourself now and her and no one deserves to hurt even abusers. Just let it go please

        Reply
      • Tom

        Hey don’t give up…. I have to change careers and bury a loved one tomorrow and still dealing with legal abuse from my ex, I just want to let it go and figure out what I need to do to be who I want again but they need their little power and control even after they took your life away

        Reply
      • MacLeighson

        These sick manipulative users don’t win in the long run. I understand that’s little consolation when once destroys your life and sense of self, I’m sorry… no one deserves to be dehumanized and abandoned after years of promises to that hurt part of yourself you exposed only to them. These are mentally I’ll people, i don’t expect any sympathy from their victims, nothing makes that pain any easier, please just know it’s not not your fault for loving a broken a person. Happy Holidays, truly wishing you the best, to have the sweetest dream and wake up with a sense of wholeness within yourself even if you still feel so broken ❤️♾

        Reply
        • Silas Sighsmore

          I appreciate it, the Holiday’s went about as expected. Just a lot of trying to fake happy until I could leave. I don’t know the drive home alone is always the worst part, it’s so stupid but even now almost 2 years later I have to stop and cry and compose myself after every event we would have shared… I wish I could just forget the pain and move on

          Reply
        • Tommy

          Sorry things have to get better some day you have to try to live again please for you. Please seek help you need to let people know you’re struggling to take care of yourself and too ashamed to admit you’re scared. You have to try to feed yourself again remember when you enjoyed cooking? You could put groceries away without crying? You can be you again you have to find a way out, stop writing stupid messages and find a new job, or figure something out. You can’t just rot here until you’re broke, please go get real food and don’t be afraid you can do it you use to sing and not even care in the grocery store. You used to not be afraid of anything really, now you’re just like she was.. is that who you want to be? You know you need help you’ve been too depressed for too long, no it’s not fair, I never imagined you’d have to live with this again, you don’t deserve it, but you have to find a way to move on in spite of it. Do it for me, I still care about you

          Reply
      • Silas Sighsmore

        I’ve never experienced something so emotionally crippling, it feels like our whole relationship was a setup for the cruel discarding and mental torture I’d be subjected to. All I want is to let go but I still feel so trapped in the pain, when it’s bad it might as well be day 1 again. It is getting easier but is just ignoring your pain because it’s debilitating healthy? I want to feel normal again, I can’t remember being genuinely happy for a single day since I was ghosted and breadcrumbed. Are you getting over it now? Hope so

        Reply
      • Tom

        ❤️ It sounds like a nightmare, take care of yourself now

        Reply
    • KateLeigh

      The lengths they’ll go to control you and have power over your life even after the painful discard are criminal. They are sick shameless abusers who used you and continue to thrive off your misery after they’ve taken away everything they need to make you hurt for their own sick needs, your whole relationship was about adapting to sick needs while they drained you of everything they claimed to love and used you as their emotional scape goat.

      Reply
    • Kfr a ud

      I was a narcissist abuser.. I used to blame it on my boarderline mother, make up stories about my slutty sister, and father but it was all me preparing victims for what u would do to them. I am a narcissist/boarderline woman in recovery please ask me anything, im open about being a manipulating user fraud of a person

      Reply
      • Tom

        Do you ever feel any sense of guilt at all for your actions? My ex could blame and justify anything she did as my fault no matter how cruel or hypocritical. I just don’t understand how people can convince themselves as their breaking every promise and making your worst nightmares come true.

        I don’t expect a whole in depth thing, just curious how it works in your mind, thanks

        Reply
    • Lee Sin

      I know how you feel Andrea. It’s such a hard way to survive. They can lie to you everyday, set you up manipulate you use all their promises and your worst fears against you, leave you hanging in desperation while they continue to lie and use your pain to justify it all. They’ll never admit any of what they did was wrong or abusive.. I slept with the promised she wrote on my dresser everyday. This person claimed to be all about mental health, healing, but she only uses it as a weapon to hurt people in the ways she felt hurt for some sick sense of power. No one has ever been as cold and cruel to me, it’s left me so broken I can barely take care of myself, I used to be so independent. I hate this, I wish I could go back and warn myself not to ignore all the red flags, if you would have told me a week before she left and the nightmare started I never would have imagined. She abused the law, women’s groups, she abused the law and strung me along while pretending to be in hiding I never even raised my voice to her. I’ve never felt so deeply used, I’ll never understand how people like this can exist and live with themselves. You built our whole relationship on lies and promises you kept making even after you left? Why would you do that, how could you be that way after years of reinforcing how you never would or could. It’s such a slap in the face when everything way about us working together and adapting to your issues. But mine become your ammo when you want to leave after living together for years and the piles of notes and cards and decorations we had every where saying we’d work through anything we were the only home and family we needed and blah blah,. I believed you.. you sick coward, you ruined my mental health, you turned me into you when we met and it’s so wrong and fed up I can barely think straight still! After all this time it still
      Hurts to the point of panic attacks if I think about it too long. Do
      You have any idea what that did to me!? Day after day waiting for any Hope like your letters said, like the person I loved and knew was real.. it broke me, I got stuck.. I still feel stuck in the floor I never got over the shock of coming home to a note and the torture you inflicted while u labeled me your abuser and cost me everything I’ve worked for for my self for my future. Why? Why is my life and struggle and pain mean nothing?? Because I had a record you think that gives you the right to use me to my core for your growth?? Because you had an easy out at Any time.. I think about all the stupid things I believed about you!! Your know exactly what you did, you can lie to everyone and yourself forever, you used me as your practice and ghosting me, word for word how you said you’d never abandon or make me face anything alone.. I thought we were fated, like all your gifts and lies I want want anything anymore but for the pain you left to go away and to feel normal again. I can barely leave the house anymore you broke my mind my heart my soul, stole my peace of mind and faith in people.. for what .. your adventures, your attention, I cheered you in for your growth!! And even that was all fake!! You were never honest and it’s disgusting to look back at your pics and lovey dovey crap our silly kids I’m sure you got a good laugh! How brave and genuine you are you use people as your emotional punching bags and make monsters out of the people you hurt the most because that’s all you can do, manipulate and use people, cheat and lie and say anything for attention.. I loved the sweet caring genuine person I knew, I needed an ounce of that to be real, I never imagined how low or how much damage you would do.. even when you were having me fill out worksheets breadcrumbing me while u planned your flings I never believed you weren’t coming home.. Home you stitched that while u plotted your sick mental torture. I wish I did know how to deal with it, I don’t want to be doing this anymore,, I can vent forever and never feel any better, I don’t really want you to hurt either. You’ll never be admit how twisted it all was or care , you got what you needed out of me. You must have been the only gal there who was getting tucked in with stuffed animals and writing love letters before she fled.. pathetic, real women need those programs not over privileged rich girls who pretend, you shame real women and abuse victims everywhere. You make a mockery of mental health, you cherry pick your therapists and lie to them until you find ones that give you the diagnosis you want. You’re afraid of becoming your childhood abusers if any of that was real, you’re always worse and more mentally ill at a younger age, Stacy is a wack job who sends you to crystal camp and either knows you’re a fraud and doesn’t care or is that twisted herself. I’ve said this all so many times in ever way. I don’t want to to keep doing this, I was done.. i didn’t answer your last degrading bait e-mail daring me to give you your big victim card… and you still had to try.. you’re just an evil human leach… I wish I could remember the you I loved but you forced me to love and live a lie. I stopped living, i don’t know how I used to live with depression or got as far as I did when it’s so crippling now it feels like it’s anything before was just a little case of the blues. I cried for the first year every single day not just here and there.. in fits that could be hours.. my face still aches. I never had anxiety or panic attacks ,Ike I said your betrayals in all the ways step by step how you knew would hurt me the most worked,, you broke me. You’re not a victim, you’re the reason rea victims can’t find the help they need or deserve because all you care about is getting away with it, having your little group of enablers you lied to reinforce that you’re right and so brave for your traumatic emotional abuse.. you’re everything you told me your family did to you, so much of that was probably just you.. you had plenty of time to scope me out neighbor.. I will try harder to be done but honestly it’s not about hurting you, it never really has been, I don’t know how to heal and I love in shock because you gave me ptsd.. seizure like panic attack, can’t get out of the car for hours until I have to call for help anxiety. I’m so ashamed of how I am now but I don’t feel anything good anymore. I need to be better for me though. You don’t even have real emotions or love or cares you’re just a big lie, your whole personality is as fake and contrived as your mother, you’ll be worse at her age.. I don’t even want that, I don’t think adding more hate or hurt into the world is helping.. but you’ll always be a hateful fraud and hurt the people who get too close and see the real the you. You’ll say anything do anything to have people believe you’re everything they ever wanted from a partner just to use it all, always thinking about your exit and how everyone’s out to get you, without.any intention of sticking to a single world. Why.. how do u live so falsely, why would you want to?? I’m Not sorry to you for carrying on, there is no real you. I’m sorry for your mental illness and that you chose me as your target, I didn’t deserve to be turned into a shaky waif, I used to praise me for all the ways I helped you grow and you set me back, not even back worse than I ever though possible.. and you planned it all!

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