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The Myth of the “Nice Guy” with Adam Avitable (Episode 9)

Nov 22, 2021

 

What is the “Nice Guy” myth and how can men avoid this trap in relationships? In this blog, the intention is not to say that being nice is a bad thing. The goal is to make sure that men know the difference between being genuinely nice vs. being nice to a woman to get sex in return for his nice gestures. The

What Is The “Nice Guy” Trope?

The “Nice Guy” trope is quite commonly used in the internet world. It is known as a man who self-proclaims he’s nice to show how he is better than other men, so women would date them. It’s not just that women would date them, but to also get sex from her as well. According to Geek Feminism, the nice guy builds a friendship with a woman, resulting in a romantic relationship. This is especially true if he befriends her during a tough time with her current boyfriend, expecting they will develop into a romantic relationship over time.

The Red Flags of the Nice Guy Syndrome

There are certain traits or characteristics to look out for in the “Nice Guy” trope. These traits can help men realize that being nice is not a front, but something to do out of human kindness. The “Nice Guy” trait gives a false sense of hope impacting men’s mental health.

The Syndrome is Rooted in Misogyny

The main issue with this syndrome or trope is mainly rooted in misogyny, where women are seen as the prize at the end of a game. To go further, the nice guy syndrome has some men believing that their sincerity towards must be rewarded with sex overall.

He’s Not Humble About His Sincerity

A man with the Nice Guy Syndrome has to tell you he’s nice so you can trust him. This image that the man is portraying is a way to show how he is better than other men, making him feel superior to other men.  If the man is really nice, then he does not have to brag about it, but do it because he really cares about people.

Rejection Is A  Major Issue

The “Nice Guy” trope has men believing that a woman should not reject him because he has been nice to her.  He sees rejection as immoral and offensive to him. In terms of misogyny, a woman owes him sex for being nice to her, with a sense of ownership.

How To Help Men With The “Nice Guy” Syndrome

A man with the “Nice Guy” Syndrome has to understand that men do not always have to initiate the relationship. They can reduce misogynistic ideals by understanding women as equal relationship partners with their own thoughts and feelings. If a woman has you in the friend zone, she does not want to lead you on. Another aspect is that women and men can connect without romantic or sexual interactions. Being nice starts with having the same goals and respecting boundaries of all kinds, including social-emotional, mental, and physical.

 

In this episode, Dr. Kate Balestrieri and Adam Avitable discuss the trappings of benevolent misogyny, the myth of hate “nice guy” and the experience Adam has had in challenging the laters of misogyny within himself.

Adam Heath Avitable is a comedian, author, and former lawyer who is known for his commitment to being brutally honest, transparent, and vulnerable, all in the name of self-improvement. He is the cohost of the relationship podcast Dating Kinda Sucks where he and his cohost try to make dating, sex, and relationships a little easier for the rest of the world, and his true crime podcast Angel at the Starlite Motel is considered one of the creepiest true stories ever told! When not podcasting or writing, he’s an amateur photographer with his photos showcased on Instagram @avitable or he’s giving advice on TikTok @adamavitable. Visit Avitable.com to read more about this jackass of all trades!

 

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Dr. Kate Balestrieri, host of Modern Intimacy, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist, helps people live more fulfilled lives by shattering stigma and erasing shame. Dr. Kate invites you to join her as she investigates the relationship between sex, mental health, relationships and modern society.

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