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How to Get Over a Breakup and Move On

by | Sep 14, 2021 | RELATIONSHIPS, SEXUALITY

Two people wonder how to get over a breakup.

There’s no one size fits all approach to getting over a breakup. This can feel especially true if there wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with the relationship.It can be really tricky to know how to accept a breakup and begin moving on from it.

Not all relationships that end are toxic relationships; sometimes a healthy relationship is simply not meant to last. No matter the circumstances, breakups can be really tough. The healing and recovery process can feel really challenging, but it is not impossible.

How to Get Over a Breakup

  1. Feel your feelings

Right when a breakup happens, it is unlikely that you will feel good right away. This person was a significant part of your life, and it’s not easy to lose that. So, right after the breakup, it is critical that you listen to yourself and your needs. Maybe you need healthy distractions such as friends and family, or maybe you need a day on the couch binge watching your favorite TV show. Do what you feel you need to do to regulate your emotions at that time.

  1. Give yourself time alone

It’s not impossible to be friends with an ex-partner, but it is a good idea to take some time apart from them right after the breakup. It can be much harder to move on if you are both still contacting each other consistently (on- or off-line) or scrolling through each other’s social media. Perhaps a friendship is possible in the future, but take some time to just be by yourself post-breakup.

This also means talking about your ex-partner. Right when the breakup happens, it could be helpful to talk with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about what you are going through. However, eventually you want to try focusing on what’s next. The longer you discuss the ex-partner, the harder it will be to let go of that relationship and start moving on.

You may also find that you have extra free time on your hands now. Use this time to engage in something you may have been putting off that you’ve been wanting to try. Take a class you are interested in or pick up a new hobby – something that you feel you want to do for yourself.

  1. Reflect on the relationship

Again, relationships don’t always have to be toxic for them to end, but when a relationship ends, it typically ends for a reason. Take some time to reflect on the relationship and aspects of it that you both liked and disliked. This will be helpful in establishing healthy boundaries in new relationships and understanding exactly what you are looking to get out of a future relationship. Perhaps you want more independence, more respect, etc… It is up to you to decide what your ideal relationship looks like.

  1. Discuss the breakup

If you and your ex-partner are not on great terms, this may not be the best approach, but if it ended on decent terms, it may be helpful to discuss the breakup with your ex in a constructive way.

If both you and your ex-partner would be willing to talk, it may be best to wait at least 30 days or more post-breakup (depending on what feels right for both of you) before trying to contact each other. Both partners should spend time apart before anyone tries to get any final closure they may need.

  1. Try going to social events

Breakups are tough, and there will be days where you may feel like you are struggling to move forward. One way to get out of the breakup blues is to consider going out with friends. It is helpful to be reminded that you are still an individual outside of this past relationship. You deserve to experience happiness and fun, and it’s a great opportunity to meet new people and find new interests to pursue with your free time.

  1. Read, sleep, and exercise

This is the perfect time to really focus on bettering yourself. Fueling your body with good foods, water, exercise, and sleep can have a significant impact on how you feel. Reading can also help to improve your mental health and has many benefits. Treating yourself with love and respect means really taking care of yourself. It will help you feel better and increase your confidence.

There’s not one perfect way to get over a breakup, and the timeline is going to look different for everyone.  Some days you may feel sad and lonely and other days as if you are over the ex and on the road to healing. The healing process may take a while, but it is well worth it and certainly possible. The most important thing after a breakup is to really focus on yourself and take the opportunity to learn more about what you want in your relationships and take steps to start living your ideal life.

Modern Intimacy is a group therapy practice, founded by renowned Psychologist and Sex Therapist, Dr. Kate Balestrieri. This inclusive blog is designed to provide a wealth of information and resources for mental health, relationships, and sexuality. Subscribe today to get the latest information from our expert contributors from all around the world.

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Author Bio

Jessie is a junior at the University of Miami (FL) who is thrilled to be an intern for the 2021 Psychotherapy Internship Program. Currently working towards a Bachelor of Science in Public Health and Psychology, she hopes to become a clinical psychologist and a certified sex therapist. She is passionate about empowering women to speak up in a professional and a personal setting

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