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How to Explore the Fantasy of Group Sex in Your Relationship

by | Jan 28, 2022 | KINK, RELATIONSHIPS, SEXUALITY

Three people enjoy group sex.

Group sex is among the most common sexual fantasies that Americans have, but it isn’t performed nearly as frequently as it is fantasized about. Part of the reason for this is the lack of information available to people that are interested in group sex. It is widely misunderstood, and people aren’t sure how to get started.

 

The Allure of Group Sex

 

Group sex is still seen as a very taboo topic in society, but more people are talking about it and are interested in exploring it. This increased acceptance of group play (without complete acceptance) has intrigued a lot of people while still leaving the idea mysterious and erotic.

 

A strong allure for couples interested in group sex is promoting novelty within the relationship.  Especially within the context of long term romantic relationships, it can sometimes feel like you lost the “spark” or the lust that you once felt for your partner.  Group sex can be a really exciting way (if approached correctly) to add some spice to a couples’ sex life.

 

However, group sex is often not a solution if you are experiencing problems in your relationship.  If you are trying to recover, couples counseling might be a better place to start to work through the source of the problems.

 

Finally, a huge source of curiosity in group sex is related to pleasure and exploration.  Having more people involved in sex means that there are more opportunities for pleasure.  It allows for more erogenous zones to be stimulated simultaneously, and adding more people inevitably gives you a wider variety of things to try.  Group sex is also a safe place to explore your sexuality and learn things about yourself you may not have known!

 

How to Begin Exploring the Fantasy

 

Porn

 

One way to safely explore the fantasy is to use porn.  Remember, while this can be a great tool to get curious and explore your sexuality, porn is not real life.  A huge fear many people have about the idea of a gang bang is that one individual (a vulva-owner is often depicted in porn videos) is simply an object for double penetration rather than being part of and enjoying the experience.  While some people may want that out of group sex (which is okay too), that is an unrealistic portrayl of what group sex can be.

 

Everyone can and should derive pleasure out of group sex in whichever way they choose. So, while porn can be an accessible way to introduce group sex, try to find porn that depicts what you would actually want out of the sexual experience.

 

Dirty Talk

 

If you have a partner, you can try dirty talk about threesomes where you don’t actually engage in group sex, but you can safely evaluate how comfortable with are with it. You can talk about positions you would want to try, what you would like to do, or anything that feels erotic for you and your partner.

 

Sex Parties

 

A sex party can even be a great place to start whether you are single or with a partner. The idea of a whole party can seem a little intimidating, but there are plenty of options that are relaxed environments that are ideal for exploring something new.

 

Going to a sex party does not mean you are required to engage in any type of sex (or even take your clothes off for that matter).  People may go as voyeurs, they may go with their partner and have sex in front of other people, or they may go alone and explore with other people who are willing to explore with them.  No matter how you choose to participate, a sex party can be a great place to dip your toes in the water or completely dive right in.

 

Finding Group Sex

 

Group sex dating apps will give you tons of options to help you find what you are looking for; single people can find couples, couples can find singles, and couples can find other swinging couples.

 

You can also search the internet for amateur group sex events.  Even a simple google search of “how to find group sex near me” can help you find websites that will help connect you to others interested in group sex.

 

Finding a sex club may require you to search “swingers club near me.”  Be sure to also include any specifications in your search.  For example, indicate if you are looking for LGBTQIA+ group sex. If you don’t want to go to a club, you may even be interested in finding online group sex.

 

Communicating with Partners about Group Sex

 

Bringing it up

 

If you aren’t sure if your partner would be comfortable with group sex, a great way to bring it up is talking about a threesome or orgy that you saw on TV, in porn, heard about from a friend, etc… Just introducing the topic and seeing their reaction can help you gauge if this could be an option in your relationship.

 

If you and your partner are both interested in the idea, you may suggest concrete steps to begin looking for group sex.  You can make it a fun date night by setting the mood then creating a profile together for a threesome app or searching the internet for sex parties near you.

 

Establishing Boundaries

 

Before you engage in any group play, it can be really helpful to discuss expectations and boundaries with your partner.  Everyone has different preferences when it comes to adding more partners to the bedroom; you may want to create a list of actions that are either a yes or a no.

 

If you have a partner, you can brainstorm together about what you are okay with doing yourself and if there is anything you aren’t comfortable having your partner do. If you are single, you should still create a list of actions you are okay with doing and what you are not comfortable with and be willing to discuss it with the couple.

 

Finally, make sure you and your partner are clear about what you are hoping to get out of this relationship.  Do you just want to have sex or do you want a polyamorous relationship? If you are just looking to just have sex, it may be helpful for everyone to meet before-hand for coffee or a drink in a public setting to discuss boundaries.

 

Group sex is an alluring and erotic topic that has gained a lot of interest and curiosity in recent years.  It is a great way to experience pleasure in a new way, bring a little excitement to a relationship, and explore your sexuality.  Getting started can seem intimidating, but the internet has made group sex widely accessible no matter the level of intensity you’re looking for.

Modern Intimacy is a group therapy practice, founded by renowned Psychologist and Sex Therapist, Dr. Kate Balestrieri. This inclusive blog is designed to provide a wealth of information and resources for mental health, relationships, and sexuality. Subscribe today to get the latest information from our expert contributors from all around the world.

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Author Bio

Jessie is the Digital Media Coordinator at Modern Intimacy. A recent graduate of the University of Miami (FL), with a Bachelor of Science in Public Health and Psychology, she hopes to become a clinical psychologist and a certified sex therapist. She is passionate about empowering women to speak up in a professional and a personal setting.

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