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How to Create Your Own Sex Room

by | Oct 4, 2022 | KINK, SEXUALITY

a sex room with whips and toys

Netflix has recently released its first season of the home renovation show, How to Build A Sex Room, starring the Mary Poppins of sex and interior designer, Melanie Rose. During and outside of the reality show, Melanie specializes in creating personalized erotic spaces to help couples and individuals who want to immerse themselves into their sexuality, in a room built just for them. She renovates a room in their home, fills it with sex toys, art, décor, BDSM gear, sex furniture like spanking benches, and takes the show’s guests on excursions to learn who they are between the sheets, in order to give them the best individualized space to connect with their sexuality.


What is a Sex Room?


Those who haven’t seen the show are probably wondering what a sex room even is. A designated sex room is a space inside one’s home that can foster liberation, exploration, and pleasure. A sex room is designed to silence the rest of the world and immerse the users into their innermost desires, safely and consensually. These elegant rooms can contain sex swings, bondage beds, and a variety of sex toys like electro sensory kits, anal kits, dildos, blindfolds, handcuffs, cock rings, and more.


A large part of creating a sex room is creating the atmosphere through interior design and utilizing unique furniture, artwork, wall décor, lights, and even music. All these components ideally come together and make the perfect sex room to immerse oneself in an intimate pleasure-filled experiences, free from distractions or judgment.


Completing a whole room renovation solely for intimacy is a pricey endeavor for many. How can people create this space on a budget? For those who aren’t ready to dive into the deep end of their pleasure but would instead start by dipping their toes in, where can they start? When purchasing toys or items to incorporate into your intimacy experience, what aspects of consent, safe words, and aftercare are vital to a positive experience – to a safe experience? These are some question you might start asking yourself if you are contemplating incorporating a sex room into your living quarters.


How to Create a Sex Room


The Beginner


For those slowly dipping their toes into the ocean of sexual pleasure, there are some smaller things one can add to a living space to avoid being overwhelmed. Starting with the atmosphere, feeling safe in the area, and secure with the people you share this room with is vital to a positive experience. You might start by exploring ideas best suited for you and your partner(s) to be mentally in tune with one another’s desires. Small and simple things like candles, light bulbs that change color, and a music playlist can help bring confidence, desire, and passion to the surface.


If a couple, non-monogamous couple, or poly family is creating this space together. Sharing quality time to discuss what colors, smells, sounds, and toys of interest can be a great way to learn about one another’s pleasure, be more comfortable trying new things and learn more about each other’s boundaries.


The basics are a great starting point when considering which toys or products to purchase. Some versatile goodies are vibrators, dildos, clitoral suction toys, blindfolds, handcuffs, and lube (water-based, silicon-based, and oil-based are the most common). Make sure you select the proper lube depending on the desired application (i.e., lubricating toys, anal penetration, additional genital lubrication, masturbation, etc.). For instance, silicone-based lube can be great for anal, vaginal, and solo sex but isn’t recommended to be applied to silicone-made toys. Water-based lubes are safe to use on silicone and latex but aren’t as long-lasting.


The Discretely Advanced


For those ready to dive in but may not have the means to complete a sex room home makeover, there are budget-friendly ways to give your bedroom transformability to become your personalized erotic space. Set your mood with your favorite-colored lights, you might use reds for high arousal and blues for a calmer feel. If music helps you get into the mood, and there’s no need for silence, a speaker nearby could be worth a try!


If bondage is your thing, you could create or purchase a bondage bed! These bed frames can come in all styles, allowing for various bondage techniques and discretion. Having toys and goodies easily accessible but still hidden can be a challenge. Perhaps a velvet interior chest you can put under the bed, filled with all your bondage gear, ropes, harnesses, sensory play toys, anal kits, and more. Alternative to a chest under the bed, a storage bench at the foot of the bed could be another option.


As seen in the design show, How to Build a Sex Room, having accent furniture like an armless lounger can be used to perform a variety of sex positions outside the bed. In addition to bondage beds, sex couches, spanking benches, and sex swings can be great as well.


How can you hide them in plain sight? Some people attach sex swings to pullup bars that attach to door frames. Others install ceiling hooks and cover them with fake smoke alarms. Porch swings can be another piece of accent furniture that can be converted into an anchoring point for sex swings or bondage play once the chair piece is removed.


Your Sex Room is What You Make It


When creating this space, either for yourself or you and your partner(s), safety, trust, and consent are integral parts of the experience. A sex room is only as good as the connection between the people using it. We can buy all the toys we want, play the most sensual music, and do everything right. If the relationship, attraction, and trust aren’t there, the room most likely won’t succeed. Prioritize consent and aftercare, take things at your pace, and have a good time!

Modern Intimacy is a group therapy practice, founded by renowned Psychologist and Sex Therapist, Dr. Kate Balestrieri. This inclusive blog is designed to provide a wealth of information and resources for mental health, relationships, and sexuality. Subscribe today to get the latest information from our expert contributors from all around the world.


Author Bio

Hunter English is an associate clinical extern at Modern Intimacy under the supervision of Dr. Kate Balestrieri. Hunter aims to help individuals and couples find their unique path to happy relationships, long-lasting and fulfilling sex lives, and liberation within one’s identity and desires. Hunter is completing her Master’s degree at the University of Miami and is working towards becoming a Certified Sex Therapist.



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