If you’re raising a son in today’s digital world, you’ve likely heard of the “manosphere” – online communities that promote rigid, and sometimes toxic, ideas about masculinity. These spaces can shape how boys view themselves, women and relationships, often without parents even realizing it.
In her column Language Matters, Lisa Lim highlights the power of the language used in the “manosphere”, and encourages parents to find opportunities that spark open, thoughtful conversations as your son navigates these influences. After seeing Netflix’s Adolescence and how deeply these messages impact young men, I wanted to share five practical conversation starters that can foster self-reflection, empathy and healthier relationships.
Understanding the Manosphere’s Pull
The “manosphere” (e.g. incel forums, “alpha male” influencers) often preys on boys’ insecurities, offering a sense of belonging in exchange for adopting harmful beliefs:
- “Men must dominate to be respected.”
- “Women manipulate men through emotions.”
- “Vulnerability is weakness.”
Why It Matters: Many boys encounter these ideas passively (via algorithms) and may not question them. Open dialogue helps them critically reflect instead of absorb.
Conversation Starter:
“Have you ever seen online videos or memes about how men ‘should’ act? What did you think?”
Rebuilding Self-Identity: Beyond “Tough Guys”
Boys are often taught to equate masculinity with stoicism or control, however, true strength includes emotional honesty, respect and self-awareness.
Try This: Normalize emotions at home. Model that feelings aren’t gendered by saying, “I felt really stressed today, so I took a walk to cool off”. This also creates safety for young boys to be emotionally vulnerable.
Conversation Starter:
“Have you ever felt like you couldn’t show sadness or fear because you’re a boy?”
Breaking Generational Cycles
Many of us inherited outdated ideas about gender, but we can choose to parent differently.
Reflection for Parents:
- What messages about masculinity did you grow up with?
- Are there ways you unconsciously reinforce stereotypes (e.g., praising sons for being “tough” but daughters for being “sweet”)?
Conversation Starter:
“Have you ever heard someone say things like ‘boys don’t cry’ or ‘boys have to be tough’? What do you think about that?”
Family Dynamics: The Hidden Teacher
Boys will learn about relationships by watching how adults interact at home.
Key Questions to Consider:
- Do you and your partner model equal partnership (e.g., sharing chores, resolving conflicts respectfully)?
- Are certain topics (e.g., consent, periods, LGBTQ+ identities) treated as “taboo”?
Try this: Involve boys in “traditionally feminine” tasks (cooking, caregiving) and praise effort, not gender roles (“Thanks for helping clean up!” vs. “Good boy for helping Mom”).
Conversation Starter:
“How do you think we can make home a place where everyone feels respected and heard?”
Spotting and Countering Harmful Beliefs
Warning Signs Your Son May Be Influenced:
- Dismissing women’s perspectives (“She’s just emotional”).
- Mocking feminist ideas (“Men are the real victims”).
- Avoiding emotional talks (“That’s gay”).
How to Respond:
It’s important to stay calm when addressing concerning attitudes, because shaming can drive your son deeper into harmful beliefs. Instead, ask open-ended questions that prompt reflection and share stories of men who break stereotypes (e.g. male therapists or stay-at-home dads).
Conversation starter: “That’s an interesting take. Do you ever talk about this kind of stuff with your guy friends? Like what it means to be a man, or how you’re supposed to act toward women?”
Final Thoughts: A New Blueprint for Masculinity
According to Edelman’s 2025 Trust Barometer, 53% of respondents aged 18-34 expressed support for “hostile activism,” including actions like online attacks, spreading misinformation, threats or acts of violence, and damaging public or private property as a means to bring about change.
The goal is to guide boys toward a masculinity rooted in respect, not demonize them for exploring identity. Remember to talk openly with them about online influences without judgment, challenge stereotypes in everyday moments and celebrate their vulnerability. You’re not just raising a son—you’re shaping the next generation of men. Let’s make it count.
For further resources, I recommend:
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